just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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