farters have to be the big spoon...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
