sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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