so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
