Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
