you guys were way drunker than both of me
My hand turned me down
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
