TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
