i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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