It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
