if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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