I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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