That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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