Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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