So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
