I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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