this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
