omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
