I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
