Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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