I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
