she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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