I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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