Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
