then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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