i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is Oprah even human
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
