I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
