Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
