I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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