hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
