I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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