she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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