Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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