Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
