after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
