Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
