sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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