Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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