If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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