This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
