Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
