Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
