she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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