Swine flu. Run for my life!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
