does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't turn off my feet"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
