Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
