Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
