I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
