THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
