are you still at the devil's house?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
