I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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