maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
