we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
