i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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