I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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