nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
