Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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