Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
