Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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