Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize