no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
