My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
