Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Found your dick twin last night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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