For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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