I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
