Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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