Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize