Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
